I am down 104 pounds as of yesterday and I'm only 8 pounds from my goal weight. Initially, I'd like to be 130 but I'd prefer 125. Nevertheless, 130 is my goal and that would be better than I ever could have imagined last year at the same time.
Today I am posting before and afters. Looking at pictures of myself from just 10 months ago sometimes breaks my heart. I can feel myself crying inside. I can see all the bullshit I have had to put up with in my life from dealing with overweight.
The family has been super supportive but it seems my Dad is the most interested coach. When I have questions, I ask him.
Sometimes people are judgmental and shitty. I get comments like, "You look old." and "I bet your husband loves you now." I get others like, "Oh, I bet you're enjoying your new wardrobe; lucky you." With a snarky chagrin to the comment. (As if I can still wear a size 20. What am I supposed to do? Wear a flour sack?)
But at the end of the day, I do not give two shits as to what other people say. People are fuckers and that is a fact. I do not want to be a fucker, so I always try to be as gracious as possible which sometimes is difficult. I look old because I've lost more than 100 pounds and I'm 41 years old. My husband loves me and always has, big or small - being skinny isn't going to make someone love you - idiot. And fuck yes I'm enjoying my new wardrobe. I fucking deserve it. I've spent 10 months sweating, counting calories, isolating myself socially, and dealing with an asshole surgeon, all to get slim. But I've also spent 40 years of my life fat. Being called names, being laughed at, not having boyfriends, having people use me, being abused by family members, being judged by strangers as lazy even though I was and still am an athlete. AAAAARRRGGGGHHHHH! Maybe you should get a new wardrobe too, instead of judging me for mine - bitch.
Thanks for listening to me rant. Again, I deserve it. I need it. That's why I have a private journal here to document this crap. No one is going to read it so why not!?
